Harry Darko
by Ninja Master
Summary: Harry Potter is troubled Midwestern teenager plagued by incessant sleep walking, family drama and visions of a menacing 6-foot tall doomsday-prophesying rabbit.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Descend upon Carpathian Ridge, a crescent-shaped cliff

that extrudes from the dense Virginia evergreens above a

deep rock canyon. The cliff marks the end of a dirt road

that winds down from above.

Harry Potter (sixteen) is asleep at the edge of the cliff.

With his bike collapsed next to him, he is shivering, curled

up on the fetal position.

He slowly opens his eyes and looks around, disoriented by

the morning light. He then stands up, looking down into the

expansive rock canyon. After a moment of hesitation, he takes

his bike back up the hill.

Harry pedals down into the suburban village of Middlesex,

Virginia... passing by a large rock 'Middlesex' rock-pattern.

Harry pedals past two neighborhood women who are

speed walking with hand weights. They smile at him.

A Pontiac Trans-Am speeds by.

Harry turns the corner and heads towards the garage.

Over to the Potter house... moving through the front

yard where James Potter (forty-four) pulls the cord and his

gas-powered leaf-blower roars to life.

Luna Potter (nineteen) comes out the front door. She

approaches her dad from behind. James turns and aims the

leaf-blower at her face... blasting her with air.

Harry parks his bike and goes inside.

Ginny Potter (ten) as she is jumping on

a trampoline and Lilly Potter (forty-two) as she

sits at a table reading a paperback copy of Stephen King's

"IT". She glances over to the kitchen.

Harry walks into the kitchen. He then goes to the

refrigerator.

Printed in magic marker on the refrigerator notepad is the

phrase:

WHERE IS HARRY?

The opening theme of "Who's the Boss?" begins as Tony

Danza's blue van and the title card. Ginny,

sitting on the floor, singing softly to the theme song "Brand

New Life" performed by Larry Weiss.

Harry, sitting in the La-Z Boy.

The Potter family has convened for dinner. They eat silently

for several moments.

"I'm voting for Dumbledore."

"Perhaps when you have children of

your own that need braces, and you

can't afford them because half of

your husband's paycheck goes to the

federal government, you'll regret

that decision."

(amused bitterness)

"I'm not gonna squeeze one out until

I'm thirty."

"Will you still be working at Yarn

Barn? 'Cause that's a great place to

raise children."

"No, a year of partying is enough.

She'll be going to Harvard this fall."

"I haven't been accepted yet, mother."

(smiles)

"If you think Albus Dumbledore will

provide for this country prior to

the point when you decide to squeeze

one out, then I think you're

misinformed."

"When can I squeeze one out?"

(to his sister)

"Not until like... eighth grade."

(to Harry)

"Excuse me?"

"Harry? You're a dick."

"Whoa, Luna. A little hostile,

there. Maybe you should be the one

in therapy. Then Mom and Dad can pay

someone two hundred dollars an hour

to listen to all of your thoughts...

so we won't have to."

"Maybe you'd like to tell Mom and Dad

why you stopped taking your

medication."

An awkward silence.

(surprised)

"You've stopped taking your medication?"

"When can I squeeze one out, Mom?"

(glaring at Luna)

"You're such a fuck-ass."

"When did you stop taking your

medication?"

(laughing)

"Did you just call me a fuck-ass?"

"That's enough."

(to Harry)

"You can suck a fuck."

"Oh, please tell me, Luna, how

exactly does one suck a fuck?"

(disgusted)

"We will not have this kind of language

at the dinner table."

"They are all silent for a moment."

"What's a fuck-ass?"

Despite his brave efforts to hold back laughter, James Potter

lets out a slight guffaw.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Luna talks on the phone, getting ready for her Saturday

night. Lilly knocks and then enters.

(into the phone)

"No. I took a year off to be with

you."

"Of course I care. Don't get angry."

(covering the phone)

"What?"

"How did you know -

(cutting her off)

"I didn't realize it was such a big

deal."

"It is a big deal."

"I caught him flushing pills down the

toilet. He knows you check the

container."

Harry lies on his bed, reading "Collected Short Stories" by

Graham Greene. His room is an organized wreck.

Lilly enters and begins to pick things up of the floor.

"Get out of my room."

Lilly bitterly turns to leave, but stops at the door.

"I wish I knew where you went at night."

"Did you toilet paper the Snape's

house?"

"I stopped rolling houses in the sixth

grade, Mom."

"Get out of my room."

"You know... it would be nice to look

at you some time... and see my son.

I don't recognize this person today."

"Then why don't you start taking the

goddamn pills?"

Harry leans over and turns off his lamp. Lilly turns and

leaves her son alone in the dark, closing the door behind

her.

"Bitch."

Lilly stops in her tracks, hearing this. She then walks into

her bedroom and closes the door.

Lilly goes into bed with James, who is reading a hardback

copy of Stephen King's "The Tommyknockers".

"Our son just called me a bitch."

"You're not a bitch."

Harry removes his pills from the medicine cabinet. Insert that reads: B. LESTRANGE M.D.

He looks at the bottle for a moment, and then takes three

pills and swallows them... staring at his reflection in the

mirror.

James sits up in bed, unable to sleep.

The TV pops on. James drops into the La-Z Boy.

They are replaying a Dumbledore debate. James laughs.

A grandfather clock... as the

hand reaches midnight.

OCTOBER 2 1988

(whisper)

"Wake... up... Harry."

Harry jerks upright in his bed, awakened from a bad dream.

He looks over at his alarm clock: 12:50 a.m. His expression

is distant... confused.

Harry walks downstairs.

Harry stares at James, asleep in the La-Z Boy.

Harry walks into the kitchen, removes the magic marker from

the refrigerator message board.

Harry walks to the front and exits the house.

Harry walks down the front walk to the street.

Harry arrives next to the pin and stares off into the

distance.

"Helluva night for a walk... huh,

Harry?"

Harry stares off into the distance.

"Tonight is very special, Harry."

"What?"

"I've been watching you."

"Do you believe in God, Harry?"

Harry doesn't answer. He holds his stomach, taking deep

breaths.

"God loves his children, Harry. God

loves you."

There... standing on the seventh hole is a six-foot-tall

figure dressed in a grotesque bunny suit.

Harry stares at the Bunny nervously as a wave of nausea

overcomes him.

"My name is Cedric."

"I want you to follow me."

"Why?"

"I'm here to save you."

The world is coming to an end, Harry.

Harry doesn't answer.

"Look up in the sky, Harry."

He looks up into the black night.

"28 days... 6 hours... 42 minutes...

12 seconds. That is when the world

will end."

Harry looks back at Cedric. His expression is a vacant expanse

of confusion.

Luna comes through the front door, leans back against

it, closes her eyes.

James Potter sleeps reclined in the La-Z Boy. The final notes

of the Channel 12 National Anthem fade away to static.

From above... a thunderous crash. Plaster rains from the

ceiling ...Books fly off the bookshelf as the entire wall-

mount collapses to the floor.

James jerks awake.

Luna falls back in horror as plaster rains down from

around the chandelier... debris falling in the dining-room

doorway.

Harry is curled up, asleep on the green. A golf ball lands

on the green and rolls within inches of his head.

A golf cart filled with four older men arrives. Dr. Weasley

(forty-five) gets out first.

"Harry Potter?"

"Son? What's going on here?"

Tom Riddle (forty), the man riding shotgun, gets out of

the cart and walks over.

"Who is it, Arthur?"

"James Potter's kid."

Harry gets up and brushes himself off. On his arm he sees

something written in black magic marker.

Numbers... 28:06:42:12.

Harry stares at the numbers on his arm, confused.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

(to Tom, kissing his

ass)

"Sorry about this, Tom, just a... a

kid from the neighborhood."

(back to Harry)

"So let's stay off the greens at night,

OK?"

Tom Riddle stares at Harry with a friendly grin.

"Sorry, Dr.Weasley. It won't happen

again."

Harry walks down the street towards his house.

A fire engine. Two police cars. A news van... All parked in

front of his house.

There are dozens of neighbors in the street surrounding a

barricade. Harry moves through the crowd where a Police

Officer is standing.

"Hey, I live here!"

"Are you... Harry Potter?"

"Yeah!"

The Officer lets him through.

Near the cul-de-sac there is a large caterpillar crane lifting

something from inside the house. There are firemen roaming

around. Two Police Officers are speaking with James and Lilly.

Harry looks over at the house.

A crane lifts a gigantic jet engine over from the house

towards a large flatbed truck. Firemen kick pieces of wood

and shingle from the roof.

He turns and sees his entire family standing there. James is

holding Ginny.

"It fell on your room."

Two men in suits approach from a black sedan. A police officer

directs them to Lilly. One of the men removes a badge from

his pocket and holds it up for Lilly to see.

"Mrs. Potter, my name is Gellert Grindelwald

and this is Barnabas Deverill. We're

with the FAA. If you don't mind,

we'd like to speak with you and your

husband privately."

Luna looks over at Harry with a grin.

(whispering)

"They don't know where it came from."

Harry looks over in awe as the mammoth engine is now strapped

to the flatbed truck. A man in a silver fire suit sprays the

engine down with water.

James is signing some documents in front of Gellert at a

table that has been set up. Another FAA guy is there.

(pointing to the

document)

"And then here as well."

James signs off, and Gellert takes the documents.

"We've arranged for you to stay at a

hotel, get some sleep. We'll take

care of things here."

James picks Ginny up into his arms. He stands with Lilly

and Luna... turning towards Harry... who seems lost in

a trance.

"Come on, Harry... we're going to a

hotel."

Harry lies in bed, watching television. Luna is spread

out on the other bed. Ginny sits on the edge of Luna's

bed, holding a stuffed unicorn named Ariel.

"If it fell from a plane, then what

happened to the plane?"

They don't know, Ginny.

I"s there any way that we can make

money from this? Couldn't we get on

television if we sue the airline?"

Lilly and James lie awake in the dark.

"So let me get this straight. No

airline will claim ownership of the

engine. So we have to wait for the

FAA to decide who fixes my roof."

"Fuck that. We're taking the money

out of savings."

(quoting Rod Serling)

"You are entering a new dimension of

sight and sound..."

Lilly begins to laugh.

"Why do I have to sleep with Harry?

He stinks."

"When you fall asleep tonight, I'm

gonna fart in your face."

(walking to the door)

"I'm telling Mom."

"Ginny, don't go over there."

"George Percy."

"What?"

"George Percy. You remember him

from high school?"

"He was a year ahead of us?"

"He died, remember? On the way to the

prom." 

"He was doomed."

Lilly lies there silently.

"Jesus Christ. They could have said

the same thing about Harry. Our

Harry."

"But he dodged it. He dodged his

bullet, Lilly."

Lilly rolls over to embrace him.

"That's my boy."

Moments later, the door to the adjoining room opens. It is

Ginny.

"Mom, Harry said he's gonna fart in

my face."

OCTOBER 3 1988

Lilly drops Harry and Ginny off at the corner.

"Ms. Farmer will pick you up from

recital. Bye, now."

She pulls of in the Taurus.

Already waiting at the bus stop is Diane Carter (eleven).

Also Cho Chang (fifteen).

"Hi, Cho."

"Chut up."

Also there are Harry's two best friends, Neville Longbottom (sixteen)

and Ron Weasley (fifteen).

(raising his hands in

victory)

"POTTER CHEATS DEATH! Man... you're

famous! I called you, like, a jillion

times last night!"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"We went to a hotel."

"My dad said he found you on the golf

course. Are you sleepwalking again?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Now that you're famous, you gotta

have a smoke."

Neville hands Harry a Marlboro Red and he takes it, looking

over at Ginny and Diane.

"What happens if you tell Mom and Dad

about this, Ginny?"

"You'll put Ariel in the garbage

disposal."

"So... grody."

Neville, Ron and Harry light up. Ron is the most amateur-

looking.

"Hey, Cho... want a cigarette?"

"Chut up."

(mimicking)

"Chut up!"

"Go back to China, bitch!"

"Leave her alone, man."

Cho looks over at Harry... her quiet devastation poorly

hidden.

In the

main school hallway and courtyard.

Harry and his friends as they pour out of the

back of the emergency exit of the school bus.

Teachers Nymphadora Tonks (twenty-seven) and Dr.

Remus Lapin (thirty) and Kitty Farmer (forty-two),

with Tom Riddle, as they make their way through the

hallways.

Swarms of girls surround Harry as he makes his way to his

locker. There is a huge smile on his face.

Hermione Granger (fifteen)... Principal Cole

(thirty-eight) and then Ginny's dance team (Sparkle Motion)

practicing their routine in the courtyard.

Ms. Tonks into English class... then time-lapse

dissolve through the doorway...

Ms. Tonks has been reading from "The Destructors" by Graham

Greene.

"There would be headlines in the

papers. Even the grown-up gangs who

ran the betting at the all-in

wrestling and the barrow-boys would

hear with respect how Old Misery's

house had been destroyed. It was as

though this plan had been with him

all his life, pondered through the

seasons, now in his fifteenth year

crystallized with the pain of

puberty."

Harry sits in the front.

"What is Graham Greene trying to

communicate in this passage? Why do

the children break into Old Misery's

house?"

Diane Carter raises her hand.

"Diane."

"They wanted to rob him."

"Diane, if you had actually read the

short story... which, at a whopping

thirteen pages must have kept you up

all night, you would know that the

children find a great deal of money

hidden in a mattress. But they burn

it."

The class gives an "Awwww." Diane blushes.

"Harry Potter, perhaps, given your

recent brush with mass destruction,

you can give us your opinion?"

"Well... they say it right when they

are ripping the place to shreds.

When they flood the house. That

like... destruction is a form of

creation. So the fact that they burn

the money is... ironic. They just

want to see what happens when they

tear the world apart."

"They want to change things."

Hermione Granger stands at the doorway to the classroom.

"May we help you? 

"I just registered, and I think they

put me in the wrong English class."

Ms. Tonks studies her.

"You look like you belong here."

"Umm, where do I sit?"

Ms. Tonks thinks for a moment. There are several empty

chairs.

"Sit next to the boy you think is the

cutest. Girls, get up."

The whole class begins to freak out. The girls all get out

of their seats... eating this up. Ron fixes his hair.

"Quiet! Let her choose."

Without hesitation, Hermione scans the class for every guy.

As she gracefully takes her seat next to Harry, they make

eye contact. Harry grins ear to ear.

The class freaks out laughing.

James drives Harry down Old Gun Road, a windy back-road

that goes towards the country.

"So how was school today?"

"It was great. We had peanut-butter

sandwiches and apples and honey at

snacktime. And then during show-and-

tell, my stuffed walrus was a big

hit."

"Good Lord."

"So the construction guys say it'll

take about a week to fix the roof.

Damn airline better not fuck us on

the shingle match."

"Do they know yet?"

"Know what?

"Where it came from?"

"No... apparently they can't tell us

what happened yet. Something about a

matching serial number that got

burned."

"But I had to sign a form saying I

wouldn't talk to anyone about it."

"So we're not supposed to tell anybody

what nobody knows?"

"You tell Dr. Lestrange whatever you

want."

Suddenly, James slams on the brakes and the station wagon

comes to a sudden stop.

"Oh, shit!"

"Grandma Death."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Standing in the road directly in front of the car is Minerva

McGonagall (101 years old, a.k.a. Grandma Death).

Grandma Death lives in a modest brick house that sits back

in a huge grassy field that overlooks the entire town. Her

mailbox sits on the edge of Old Gun Road.

Harry gets out of the car and takes Grandma Death's hand,

walking her back towards her mailbox. He opens it for her.

No mail today.

(smiles)

"Maybe tomorrow."

Grandma Death smiles back at him... and begins to walk slowly

back to her house. She then turns and takes Harry's hands

into her frail grip.

(speaking slowly)

"Every living creature... on this

earth...

...dies alone."

Harry stands there silently for a moment, and then Grandma

Death turns back towards her house.

A large colonial rancher in the distance.

Dr. Bellatrix Lestrange (fifty-eight) is a beautiful older woman.

"Your mother said that you've been

skipping cycles of your medication."

"I've been taking it. I just like to

make her feel guilty for all of this.

You know, abuse her. Psychologically."

"All of this... certainly isn't your

mother's fault, Herald."

He is quiet for a moment.

"So, I met a new friend."

"Would you like to talk about this

friend?"

"His name is Cedric."

"Cedric."

"I think he saved my life."

"How so?"

"Don't you watch the news?"

"I don't own a television."

"A jet engine fell on my house...

landed on my bed. While I was talking

to Cedric on the golf course."

Dr. Lestrange looks at him for a long beat, analyzing whether

or not he is telling her the truth.

"I'm not kidding."

Concerned, Dr. Lestrange leans in closer.

"Cedric... instructed you... to get

out of bed... just before this

happened."

"He said to follow him."

"Follow him where?"

"Into the future."

"Then he said that the world was coming

to an end."

He rubs his arm, where the numbers are still lightly drawn.

"Do you believe that the world is

coming to an end?"

"No."

"That's stupid."

In the empty school hallway... a gigantic tidal wave forms

in the distance and comes crashing towards between the

lockers.

Harry lies on the couch... fast asleep. His eyes slowly

open.

There, standing in the corner of the room in the shadows is

Cedric.

"Wake up, Harry."

In the dark school hallway, Harry rounds the corner with a

flashlight, a can of spray paint, and an axe. Cedric stands

in the same hallway where the tidal wave crashed.

Harry shines the flashlight through the basement. He

approaches some old piping.

Harry puts the axe back over his shoulder and then lowers

it fiercely. The smashing of metal against metal echoes

through the huge room.

OCTOBER 4 1988

The same group stands and waits for the bus. The guys smoke.

Cho stands alone. Ginny is reading something to Diane.

(reading)

"And then the prince was led into a

world of strange and beautiful magic."

"Wow."

Harry grabs the piece of paper from his sister.

(reading out loud)

"The Last Unicorn!" "By Ginny Potter."

"Harry! Give it back!"

He pushes her away.

"You're wrinkling it!"

"Hey, it's 7:45. The bus shoulda been

here, like, twenty minutes ago."

"Maybe Martha Moo finally went nuts

and hijacked the bus."

(excited)

"You know, there's, like, this rule.

We get to go home at 7:55."

"There's no rule!"

"Fuck yeah there is! If the bus doesn't

show up in thirty minutes, you're

supposed to go straight home."

"Yeah... he's right. Because if we

keep waiting, some guy in a van might

pull up and try to molest us. And

then our parents could sue the school

board."

Everyone starts to get excited... looking down the road to

see if the bus is coming.

Neville's watch hits 7:55. "No bus."

"All right! 7:55. Everybody goes home."

"Let's go to Harry's house. His

parents are both at work."

The three guys begin walking.

"Come on, Gin, you can call Diane's

mom from home."

The two girls follow them. Cho stands at the corner.

"Hey, Cho... you should go home."

"Yeah, if you're still here and the

bus comes, we'll get in trouble."

"Chut up."

"Hey, porky pig. I hope you get

molested!"

Suddenly, Astoria Greengrass (ten) and Daphne Greengrass (eight) run up

to the bus stop.

"Hey! Our mom said that school is

cancelled today because it's flooded!"

"No... way."

A horrible expression appears on Harry's face.

A janitor named Leroy (fifty-five) stands at the end of the

hall with Principal Cole. Water rushes past their feet down

the steps.

"I got twelve classrooms full of water.

All coming from a busted water main."

"What else?"

"What else? Shit, Principal Cole, you

ain't gonna believe what else."

They stand before the bronze Middlesex mongrel. Spray-painted

on the concrete before it is the phrase: THEY MADE ME DO IT.

There are papers strewn everywhere. Embedded in the head of

the mongrel is an axe.

"Christ. Is that an axe?"

"Yep."

"How did this happen?"

"I guess they made him do it."

"Leroy can't help himself." He has to laugh.

"You're fired."

Principal Cole walks off.

Harry, Neville, Ron, Ginny and Diane, Astoria and Daphne

walk from their bus stop.

"School's closed! Everybody go home!"

"Nuh-uh."

"Yeah-huh. A cat burglar broke him

and trashed everything."

Daphne talks with Astoria. Diane and Ginny listen in.

"Mom said that the boys' locker room

looked like a swimming pool... and

that they found fasces everywhere."

"What are fasces?"

"Baby mice."

"Aww."

"Oh my God, that is so grody."

Neville looks down to another bus stop down the street.

"School's cancelled!"

A bunch of young kids scream out... jumping up and down.

Harry approaches another corner alone. Greory Goyle

(seventeen) and Draco Malfoy (eighteen) stand with Hermione.

(smoking a cigarette)

"Has anyone ever told you that you're

sexy?"

"I like your boobs."

Hermione looks at them with disgust.

Harry walks into the group.

"Hey..."

"Hey..."

"School's cancelled."

They look at one another, surprised.

(to Harry)

"Wanna walk me home?"

"Sure."

They quickly begin to walk off. Draco and Greory look off at

them, furious.

"Don't look so freaked."

"I'm not. But you should check your

backpack 'cause those guys like to

steal shit."

"Fuck them."

Hermione smiles at Harry, and then turns back and gives

them the middle finger.

Harry and Hermione walk along the sidewalk together.

"So... you just moved here?"

"Yeah. My parents got divorced. My

mom has a restraining order against

my stepdad."

"He has... emotional problems."

"Oh, I... have those too."

"What kind of problems does your dad

have?"

"He stabbed my mom four times in the

chest."

Harry is shocked.

"Wow. Did he go to jail?"

"He fled. They still can't find him."

"My mom and I had to change our names

and stuff. I thought Hermione sounded

kind of cool."

"I'm sorry. I was in jail once.

I accidentally burned down this house.

It was abandoned. I got held back in

school again. Can't drive until I'm

eighteen."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

(babbling)

"I think when I grow up I want to be

a painter. Or maybe a writer or maybe

both. Then I'll write a book and

draw the illustrations like a comic

book. You know, change things."

"Harry Potter is a cool name. Sounds

like a superhero."

"What makes you think I'm not?"

Hermione smiles. She looks over at her house.

"I should go. For physics. Lupin

says I have to write an essay on the

greatest invention ever to benefit

mankind."

"That's easy. Antiseptics."

She gives him a look.

"I mean, the whole sanitation thing.

Joseph Lister... 1895. Before

antiseptics there was no sanitation,

especially in medicine."

"You mean soap?"

"Don't knock soap. Without it, disease

would spread rapidly. If we ran out...

you and I would never live to see

the year 2000."

"Wonder where we'll be then."

"The best thing about soap is that

it's the only thing on earth that

can never get dirty. No matter what

crap you throw on it... it always

rubs off. And there it is again...

perfect."

"Until it withers away."

She stares at him for a moment.

"It's a good thing the school was

flooded today."

"Why is that?"

"We never would have had this

conversation."

She smiles.

"You're weird."

"I'm sorry."

"That was a compliment."

"Will you go with me?"

"Where are we going?"

"No... I mean, will you GO with me?

That's like... what they call it

here. Going together."

"Sure."

She gets up and begins to walk up the hill.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going home."

OCTOBER 6 1988

Dr. Lestrange sits next to Harry. His eyes are closed.

"And when I clap my hands twice, you

will wake up. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"So, tell me about your day, Herald."

"I met a girl."

"What is her name?"

"Hermione. We're going together now."

"Do you think a lot about girls?"

"Yes."

"How are things going at school?"

"I think about girls a lot."

"I asked you about school."

"I think about... fucking a lot during

school."

"What else do you think about during

school?"

"I think... about... "Who's the Boss?"

"Who is the boss?"

"I just turn the volume down and think

about fucking Alyssa Milano."

"What about your family, Harry?"

"No, I don't think about fucking my

family. That's sick!"

"Harry... I want to hear about your

friend Cedric."

Harry is now undoing his belt. He is no longer paying

attention.

Dr. Lestrange quickly claps her hands. Harry jolts awake...

disoriented.

Harry sits with his eyes wide open, staring at something.

Aaron Armitage... Cho Chang.

Harry's face has gone white.

Herald Potter.

On the blackboard the phrase, "They made me do

It", written over and over again.

Two Police Officers standing next to Principal

Cole in the corner of the classroom.

Harry gets up and walks over to the board and writes the

phrase.

He then sits down again without hesitation.

The Police Officer hesitates for a moment, lingering over

Harry's penmanship. He then places a '?' next to Harry's

name on the roster. Ms. Tonks makes eye-contact with him.

A television: a cloud formation blows across

the screen revealing a logo that reads: RIDDLE VISIONS

PRODUCTIONS. A series of interviews follows.. infomercial

style.

"And what I realized was that my entire

life I was a victim of my own FEAR.

I was FEEDING FEAR WITH FOOD... and

finally... I looked in the mirror.

Not just IN THE MIRROR. I looked

THROUGH the mirror. And in that image

I saw my EGO REFLECTION."

Harry's health class is assembled in uniform rows in front

of a television cart. Ms. Farmer paces in front of them.

(Shanda Riesman

with her arm around

her geeky son)

"...and for two years I thought it

was NORMAL for a fifteen-year-old to

wet the bed."

Laughter from the students.

"QUIET!"

(choking up)

"We tried everything. But the solution

was there... all along."

(Larry Riesman burst out emotionally)

"I'm not AFRAID anymore!"

A montage of "family" imagery follows.

"All across America... people have

come together to join hands. People

who believe that human life is too

important... too valuable to be

controlled by FEAR."

A middle-aged man walks out onto a country patio. It is Tom

Riddle... the guy from the golf course.

"Hello. My name is Tom Riddle.

And welcome to "Controlling Fear"."

The title CONTROLLING FEAR appears on the screen... followed

by PART ONE: ATTITUDINAL BELIEFS.

Pay close attention, you could miss

something.

Harry stares at the screen... at Tom Riddle.

The ruins of a brick chimney sit in the middle of a field.

Harry, Neville and Ron have lined up several empty beer

bottles, cans and stuffed animals on the hearth.

They take turns blasting these targets with a BB gun.

Blam! A can falls over. Ron hands the gun to Harry. Neville

pulls out a bottle of Raspberry Night Train and takes a sip.

He hands the bottle to Ron.

"What is this shit?"

"Raspberry."

He takes a big sip... which results in a dry heave.

"Raspberry. That's good shit."

Harry aims the crosshairs on Smurfette's head. He pulls the

trigger. Smurfette falls over.

"Wicked."

"No more fuckin' for her."

"Smurfette doesn't fuck."

"Bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the

other smurfs. That's why Papa Smurf

made her, 'cause the other smurfs

were getting too horny."

"Not Vanity. He's a homo."

Blam! A bottle shatters.

"Then she fucks 'em all while Vanity

watches. And Papa Smurf films it."

Ron takes another sip of Night Train... followed by another

dry heave. Blam! A bottle breaks.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"First of all... Papa Smurf didn't

create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She

was sent in as Gargemel's evil spy,

with the intention of destroying the

smurf village. But the overwhelming

Goodness of the Smurf Way of Life

transformed her into the Smurfette

we all know and love. And as for the

whole gang-bang scenario... it just

couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual.

They probably don't even have

reproductive organs down there under

those little white pants. The only

reason they exist is because of magic

spells and witchcraft... which is

all a bunch of bullshit if you ask

me."

"That's what's so illogical about the

smurfs... what's the point of living

if you don't have a dick?"

Harry aims the gun... pulls the trigger. Blame! A bottle

breaks.

"Dammit, Harry! Why do you always

gotta get all smart on us!"

Harry takes the bottle of Night Train and takes a small

sip.

Their conversation is interrupted by the squealing of tires.

Down the hill, a Dodge minivan is stopped on Old Gun Road.

Grandma Death is once again in the middle of the street.

"Grandma Death."

Ms. farmer leans her head out of the window.

"Excuse me!"

Grandma Death doesn't hear her. She wanders around in circles.

Furious, Ms. Farmer gets out of the car and walks over to

the old woman, walking her by the shoulders back to her

driveway.

"Please stay out of the road, Ms.

McGonagall. If this happens again, I'm

going to call social services."

Ms. Farmer gets back behind the wheel and they drive off.

Grandma Death lurks around her mailbox.

"How old is Grandma Death?"

"A hundred and one, I think. Every

day she does the same thing. But

there's never any mail."

Grandma Death approaches the mailbox.

"Here we go... this could be it."

She opens it... then closes it. Walks away.

"Awwww. That sucks."

She approaches the box again...

"Wait a minute... we may still have

mail..."

Opens it... closes it. Walks away.

"Noooo!"

They continue to watch her, sipping liquor into the sunset,

as Grandma Death repeats this act like an ancient wind-up

doll.

Looking nauseous, Harry opens the medicine cabinet and

retrieves his pills. He takes four of them. Harry takes a

drink of water, closing his eyes. He puts the pills back and

closes the cabinet.

In the mirror's reflection is Cedric. Harry jumps.

"You got away with it. Don't worry."

Harry reaches his hand out towards Cedric and it presses

against an invisible wall, as if he were pressing his hand

against liquid glass.

"How can you do that?"

"I can do anything I want... and so

can you..."

Harry stares closely at Cedric. He then removes his hands

and moves back away from him.

A sign reads: EMERGENCY PTA MEETING TONIGHT.

Parents and teachers convene in front of the auditorium

entrance.

Kitty Farmer hands out Xeroxed images of something.

James and Lilly chit-chat with other concerned parents.

Ms. Tonks approaches Kitty Farmer.

"What are you trying to accomplish

here?"

(indignant)

"There was urine and fasces flooded

in my office."

The crowd settles... Principal Cole takes the stage.

"In co-operation with the county

police, we have begun an active

investigation into the cause of the

flooding... and our suspects include

several of our own students."

Kitty Farmer stands up in her seat near the front row.

"I want to know why this FILTH is

being taught to our children."

The crowd stirs.

" Kitty, I would appreciate... if you

could wait..."

"Mr. Cole... not only am I a TEACHER...

but I am also a PARENT of a Middlesex

child. Therefore, I am the ONLY person

here who transcends the parent-teacher

bridge."

"Kitty..."

The bottom line... Mr. Cole... is

that there is material being taught

to our children that is cause for

this destructive behavior.

She stands up.

"I have in my hand Graham Greene's

"The Destructors". This short story

is part of my daughter's English

assignment. In this story, several

children destroy an elderly man's

house from inside out. They destroy

his house without motive, without

moral consequence. They destroy

private property... and they get

away with it."

Ms. Tonks shakes her head bitterly.

"And how do they do this? They FLOOD

the house... by breaking through the

water main!"

(trying to calm her)

"This meeting of the PTA was called

to inform the parents of our ongoing

investigation..."

(enraged)

"I AM THE PTA! And I say that this

FILTH is directly related to this

vandalism."

Applause from the crowd.

"I think this garbage should be

removed."

Several shouts of approval come from the crowd.

Harry continues to converse with Cedric.

"Why did you make me flood the school?"

"We just want to guide you in the

right direction."

"Who is... we?"

"You'll know soon enough."

(desperate)

"Where did you come from?"

"Do you believe in time travel, Harry?"

A moment of silence.

"Who are you talking to?"

Harry turns to see Ginny is standing in the doorway.

Cedric is gone.

A heated debate among the parents is under way. Frustrated,

Lilly stands up. Nymphadora Tonks is furious.

"Excuse me... but what is the real

issue here? The PTA doesn't ban books

from school."

"The PTA is here to acknowledge that

there is pornography in our school's

curriculum."

(standing up)

"My GOD... woman, are you drunk?"

"Excuse me? You need to go back to

grad school."

(to Kitty)

"Do you even know who Graham Greene

is?"

(to Lilly)

"I think we've all seen "Bonanza"."

Ms. Tonks is disgusted. Lilly and James burst out laughing,

grab their coats, and leave.

Harry and Hermione play a Sega race-car driving game. Harry

drives a souped-up red Ferrari through the Grand Canyon.

"So when you sleepwalk, can you

remember afterward? Like, do you

dream?"

"No. I just wake up and I look around,

try to figure out where I am... how

I got there."

"My dad said never wake a

sleepwalker... because they could

drop dead."

The Trans-Am crashes head on into a tree. Game Over.

"It's like this big force... that's

in your brain. But sometimes it grows

bigger... and it spread down into

your arms and legs... and it just

sends you someplace."

"So when you sleepwalk, you go

somewhere familiar?"

"No. Every time I wake up somewhere

different. Sometimes my bike is laying

there next to me. Like once when I

woke up on the edge of this cliff up

on Carpathian Ridge."

"And you'd never been there before?"

They sit silently for a moment.

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever feel as though there's

always someone watching you?"

"Why?"

"Well... maybe someone is, like...

giving you these dream steroids. And

sleepwalking ...is someone showing

you the way."

OCTOBER 13 1988

Harry stands in front of the class. Ms. Tonks sits behind

her desk. On the chalkboard is "Poetry Day".

"A storm is coming, Cedric says. A

storm that will swallow the

children... and I will deliver them

from the kingdom of pain."

"I will deliver the children to their

doorsteps. I will send the monsters

back to the underground. I will send

them back to a place where no one

can see them... except for me. Because

I am Harry Potter."

Harry returns to his seat. Ms. Tonks stares at him

intensely.

"Who is Cedric?"

"A six-foot-tall bunny rabbit."

The class begins to laugh. Harry looks over at Hermione.

Ms. Farmer stands next to the television where Tom Riddle

narrates the Lifeline tutorial.

"And so, let us begin Lifeline Exercise

No. 1."

"PLEASE PRESS STOP NOW" appears on the screen.

Ms. Farmer stops the tape and moves to the blackboard. On

it, she has drawn a horizontal line book-ended by the words

"Love" and "Fear".


End file.
